EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a type of therapy that helps your brain process painful memories so they stop feeling so raw in the present. In a session, you briefly bring a memory, feeling, or belief to mind while following a gentle back-and-forth rhythm, like eye movements, sounds, or taps. Most people find it feels grounded and present, with emotions and body sensations that rise and then ease, not like reliving the past.
I'm Mary Mallinson, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in San Diego trained in EMDR, including Ignacio Jarero's EMDR protocols for early intervention and ongoing traumatic stress. In this post, I'll walk you through what EMDR feels like from start to finish, so you know what to expect before your first session.
What is EMDR therapy, in plain language?
When something overwhelming happens, your brain doesn't always finish processing it. Parts of that experience can get "stuck," so a smell, a tone of voice, or a family dinner can bring back the same old feelings years later.
EMDR helps restart that natural processing. It uses bilateral stimulation, which simply means something that alternates left and right, like eye movements, sounds, or taps.
EMDR was developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro in 1987 and has been studied for decades.
Unlike talk therapy alone, EMDR doesn't depend on explaining your story over and over. It works with the memory, the feelings, the body sensations, and the beliefs attached to it, like "I'm not enough" or "It's not safe to speak up."
Who do I usually help with EMDR?
In my work with clients, I most often see people who are "the strong one" in their family. They take care of everyone else and rarely get a turn to rest. Many are first-generation adults or children of immigrants, and many are mothers.
What brings them in is often:
Complex or childhood trauma
Attachment wounds and emotional neglect
People-pleasing and feeling responsible for everyone's emotions
The same relationship patterns showing up again and again
Many of my clients have done talk therapy before. They have insight and can explain exactly why they feel the way they do, yet something still feels stuck. That's often where EMDR can help.
What does an EMDR session actually feel like?
Here's what a session with me usually looks like, step by step.
First, we get grounded
Before we touch anything painful, we build resources. That might be a calm place you can picture, a sense of support, or simple breathing and body awareness. Every session starts with grounding, so your nervous system has something steady to come back to.
Next, we choose what to work on
Together, we pick a starting point. It might be a specific memory, but it doesn't have to be. We can start with a feeling, a body sensation, a pattern, or a belief about yourself.
Then, we process
You hold that starting point lightly in mind while following the bilateral stimulation. Then we pause, and I'll ask what you notice. You share whatever comes up, and we keep going.
People notice all kinds of things:
Feelings that rise and then soften
Body sensations, like tightness in the chest that starts to loosen
Memories or images that seem connected
Thoughts that shift, like "It wasn't my fault"
What I often see in my practice is that clients are surprised by how present they feel. You stay aware of the room and of me the whole time. This is called dual awareness: one foot in the memory, one foot in the present.
Finally, we close gently
We never end in the middle of something raw. I save time at the end to regulate and ground, so you leave feeling safe and steady.
Does EMDR mean reliving your trauma?
This is the biggest myth I hear. Many people think EMDR means retelling every painful detail. It doesn't.
You stay in the present while your brain does the processing. You don't need a clear timeline or perfect memory, and you don't need one "big" trauma to benefit. Emotional neglect, cultural pressure, perfectionism, and hard family dynamics count too.
What are the after effects of EMDR therapy?
Your brain may keep processing for hours or days after a session. This is a normal part of how EMDR works. Many people feel lighter or clearer, and some feel tired or a little tender.
Before you leave, we'll talk about what you might notice and how to care for yourself in the days after. Rest, water, and a gentle schedule can help your nervous system settle.
Are there dangers of EMDR therapy?
EMDR is a well-researched therapy, but strong feelings can come up, and that's why pacing matters. Feeling deeply is part of healing. Overwhelm is not the goal.
As a trauma-informed therapist, I watch pacing, activation, and regulation the whole time. You're in charge. We can pause, slow down, or shift into grounding at any point, and you never have to "push through" something that feels like too much.
Can EMDR help with complex PTSD?
EMDR therapy for complex PTSD can help, especially when trauma built up over time through ongoing relational wounds rather than one event. With complex trauma, we often spend more time building stability and inner resources before we process.
I often combine EMDR with Internal Family Systems (IFS), also called parts work. This helps us get to know the protective parts of you that have worked so hard to keep you safe, so healing feels collaborative instead of forced.
What does EMDR with me look like?
I see adults in person at my San Diego office at 5252 Balboa Avenue, Suite 500, and I offer telehealth anywhere in California. If you're looking for an EMDR therapist online, we can do the full process virtually, using bilateral stimulation tools designed for online sessions.
There are two main ways to work with me:
Talk therapy + EMDR: Ongoing sessions, usually 90 minutes, with time to reflect, process, and settle before we close.
EMDR intensives: Longer sessions, from 75 minutes to several hours, for focused work in a shorter time.
You can also do an intensive with me while you keep seeing your regular therapist. With your consent, I'm happy to coordinate care so the work feels connected.
Learn more about my specialties here.
Learn more about intensives here.
Is this a good fit for you?
EMDR with me may be a good fit if you:
Spend most of your energy caring for others and want to start caring for yourself
Are a first-generation adult or child of immigrants, holding family expectations alongside your own needs
Want to heal from complex or childhood trauma, attachment wounds, or emotional neglect
Keep finding yourself in the same relationship patterns
Have done talk therapy before and are ready to go deeper
Something else may be a better fit right now if you:
Are having active suicidal thoughts, or had a recent suicide attempt or hospitalization
Need crisis stabilization, intensive psychiatric support, or 24/7 on-call care
Are brand new to therapy and would benefit from starting with weekly sessions first
Need court-ordered therapy, a custody evaluation, or a forensic assessment
This isn't about being "too much." It's about making sure you get the right level of support for where you are.
If you're in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911.
Frequently asked questions about EMDR
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There's no set number. Some people notice meaningful shifts after a few sessions or one intensive, while others choose longer-term work for complex trauma or deep patterns. We'll check in regularly and adjust the pace together. I won't promise a timeline, because healing unfolds differently for everyone.
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Yes. EMDR can be done through telehealth using secure video and bilateral stimulation tools made for online sessions. I offer online EMDR to adults anywhere in California. You'll just need a private, quiet space and a steady internet connection. I'll guide you through each step so it feels safe and grounded.
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No. EMDR doesn't require detailed memories or a perfect timeline of your past. We can work with feelings, body sensations, patterns, themes, or memories that feel blurry. Your mind and body bring forward what's ready, and we work with whatever shows up. Not remembering clearly is completely okay.
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Some people feel tired or a little tender afterward, while others feel lighter or clearer. Your brain may keep processing for a few days, which is normal. Before you leave, we'll talk about what you might notice, and we always close with grounding so you leave feeling steady and supported.
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Yes. Many clients work with me for EMDR intensives while continuing ongoing therapy with someone else. With your consent, I'm happy to coordinate care so the work feels connected. You can bring what comes up in an intensive back to your regular sessions and keep building on it there.
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I'm private pay and don't bill insurance directly. I can give you a superbill to submit for possible out-of-network reimbursement, and many clients use FSA or HSA funds to help cover the cost. Coverage varies by plan, so check with your insurance provider to understand your benefits.
Ready to take the next step?
Now that you know what EMDR therapy is and what a session can feel like, you get to decide what comes next. There's no pressure and nothing to figure out ahead of time.
If you're curious whether EMDR could help, I'd love to hear from you. You can book a free 30-minute consultation or email me at hello@marymallinsontherapy.com. We'll talk about what's bringing you in and see if working together feels like a good fit, whether in person in San Diego or online anywhere in California.
About the author
Mary Mallinson, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who offers in-person therapy in San Diego and telehealth for adults across California. She specializes in EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and EMDR intensives, helping clients heal from childhood trauma, attachment wounds, and family-of-origin patterns. As a first-generation Asian American, mother, and eldest daughter, she brings warmth, honesty, and a little humor to her work.
